Have you ever made a connection with someone, thinking that they could be your new soul-friend (as opposed to soulmate), and then have it fizzle out? If I'd have to guess, there's a 99% chance that you have. And if you haven't, congratulations; skip this reading and grab a cookie.
But for the majority of us, we are often left with confusion. Where did I mess up? What could I have done differently? It can be a rather emotional subject upon which to contemplate and reflect.
Fret not, fellow humans! I've developed a 2-step approach to avoiding this problem in the future:
- Be yourself.
Easy, right? Well, to be honest, step one has a few layers underneath. But, they're completely manageable.
Being yourself first requires that we know yourself, which is much easier said than done. It's a continual journey, a perpetually-evaluative process. Nevertheless, if you isolate the question to a particular situation, answers come more easily.
The basic gist is that no one should make you feel guilty for being true to yourself. So, ask yourself the question: "Can I honestly say that I was being the person I want to be?" If the answer is yes, then it'll be much easier to accept the loss of a potential friendship.
Living up to your own expectations is hard enough without someone else adding additional or conflicting ones. If you're truly the person whom you wish to be, then there's not much loss if another person is unable to value your true self. People who appreciate individuality--the people worth keeping around--will be drawn to those who have a sense of self-identity and express that identity openly.
Of course, we should always keep in mind that the identity-building process is continual. The loss of a potential relationship could be an opportunity for evaluation and self-growth in disguise. Even if, after careful contemplation, you decide that you are personifying your truest and best self, then you still came out better in the end--having a better, firmer understanding of who you strive to be.
That, my friends, is what's called a "silver lining."